Posted on August 8, 2019
Hobbs and Shaw: A review
It’s been a busy week so this is late. I saw Hobbs and Shaw featuring the holy trinity Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Idris Elba, and Jason Statham the day it came out obviously.
I am of the view that the Fast and the Furious franchise is the eighth wonder of the world. Every new addition is better than the last.
This is the best because of the hot muscled tripod of acting glory that is Johnson, Elba, Statham.
Let me be clear that the film is perfect. These are but minor tweaks. I adored the film as I knew I would. It is exactly what I signed up for and it absolutely met my needs in a big ol’ way.
But some feedback if I could?
When it’s raining and our boys are fighting – I really think it would have worked if they just dropped their weapons and kissed? And then maybe Jason Statham could try to push Dwayne The Rock Johnson into a wall to like pash more, and then Dwayne The Rock Johnson could push him back and pash more. And it could be like this fighting but pashing thing and it could be raining harder you know?
And Idris Elba could be like what is happening but also he could be like wow this is beautiful. And also he could be like wow this is hot as.
And then he could come up and be like I don’t want to fight anymore and then they could find a DOC hut and light a fire and be like this is crazy we all love cars why are we fighting? And then they could crack out some of Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s tequila. And then they could all laugh like look at us! We are sitting here in wet clothes! How silly.
And then they’d like nervously joke as they stripped off like “bro do you work out?” And they’d laugh because they all work out. But the air would become heavy with desire. Their movements would slow. From somewhere music would start playing like idk Portishead like some real sexual awakening stuff you know?
What’s your favourite car Dwayne The Rock Johnson could say as he gently removes an eyelash from Jason Statham’s bald head.
Where’d you get your cool helmet Idris Elba could whisper, his voice catching in his throat, as his eyes linger on Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s enormous calves.
And then they could bang.
Just an idea.
578/10 stars imo.