The Just Fucking Doing It Club

When I was pregnant with my first baby I would often ring my sister and bitch and whine about how tired I was and how hard everything was and how I hated being pregnant. I absolutely cringe about it now because I literally moaned about being pregnant (kind of relentlessly) to another pregnant woman who already had a child to look after.

There’s a hierarchy around complaining when you’re pregnant (and also around sleep – as in, if you wake up once a night I don’t want to hear about it, go tell someone whose kid is sleeping through the night) and as I wasn’t a parent yet (and I was also a dick) I didn’t get this.

My sister is a very patient woman. Particularly when it comes to me. Which is handy given how much I must test her patience.

On one of the days when I moaned to her (to make matters a hell of a lot worse she was VERY pregnant and ill and I was just a bit pregnant and ill) I said to her:Ā “I don’t know how you do it. There’s no way I could cope without being able to nap as soon as I get home from work”
I just….what a dick. Honestly. I was such a dick.

Not taking my sister’s sigh as a polite shut the fuck up now I decided to double down and say:

Really, how do you do it? I would just be so tired!

HELPFUL!

Then, and it’s stuck with my ever since, my sister said “I don’t know, you just do it, it’s not like anybody else is going to do it for you”.

At the time I was really committed to being annoying so I just said some more annoying stuff like WELL I AM JUST SO TIRED I THINK I’LL HAVE A NAP! YOU SHOULD HAVE ONE TOO!

Like, it’s a blessing my sister doesn’t live in the same country as me, I would full on punch her in the face if she told me to have a nap when I was super pregnant and running after a small child. But she wouldn’t say that because she is the brains of the family.

Luckily, she didn’t jump on a plane and punch me and she didn’t even yell or anything (she was probably too tired, or quite used to me being annoying).

Fastforward to being pregnant with my second baby and running after my first and one day at work someone said to me:

I don’t know how you do it! I get so tired when I have a late night and I’m not even pregnant!

And my sister’s words came back to me.

Every time someone says “I don’t know how you do it!” or “You must be exhausted! How do you cope?” or any variation of this I hear my sister’s voice and I just think:

You just fucking do it. You just do.

And you know what – it is fucking impressive but also – it is what it is.

We are the Just Fucking Doing It Club.

Nobody gets shit done like mothers do. The fierce determination, the focused energy, the quiet and methodical mahi of parenting – mums are killing it.

When you’ve got to work because nobody else is going to pay the damn bills.

When you’ve got to get through that kindy drop off because shit has to get done.

When you’ve got to get through the day with a fucking smile (or 8000 smiles) after three hours sleep.

When you’ve got to get the lunches done even though you’d rather be watching House of Cards and having complex feelings about whether or not you’d sleep with Kevin Spacey if you were really drunk and somehow a Washington intern even though he isn’t actually hot at all but that scene with the Father’s Day thing that was gross right but also kind of hot? BUT DEFINITELY GROSS RIGHT but hot?

When you’ve got to get to a Plunket appointment then to Rock n Rhyme and get six loads of washing done then make your midwife appointment and entertain your toddler in the waiting room for 40 minutes.

When you’ve got to finish the newsletter for your kid’s co-op while your toddler tries to maim himself by climbing up the pantry shelves.

When you’ve got to somehow get the baby to realise pamol isn’t poison so you can bring down a temperature while you try to make a doctor’s appointment but you keep getting put on hold.

When you’ve got to fix the wheel on the buggy and make sure the baby doesn’t chew through the cord for the TV.

When you’ve got to sort the phone bill and pair up all the socks and listen to your three-year-old’s complex story that ends with “SO WHY DON’T YOU HAVE BALLS DEAR MAMA?”

When you’re sure you’ve got nothing left and you just want five fucking minutes but that’s not going to happen because your baby needs to watch you poo like seriously they seem to need this more than anything they’ve ever needed before.

When you’ve missed the fucking bus or your car needs a warrant of fitness and you have to get to a job interview.

MAMAS ARE JUST FUCKING DOING IT.

No matter how shit the sleep was, no matter how exhausting the morning was, no matter how hard it was to get the kids out the door to start the day – mamas are just fucking doing it.
And they’re doing it with grace and love and compassion.

When they’ve got nothing left to give mamas are still giving.

Giving to their kids.
Giving to their partners.
Giving to their family.
Giving to their friends.
Giving to their community.

So on the days when everything goes wrong, on the mornings after the nights that were agony, in the afternoon when you’re so tired you feel like it hurts to move – remember you’re doing it. You’re fucking doing it even when you feel like you’re a failure. You’re not.

Look at you – you’re fucking doing it.

I know it feels sometimes like you’re not doing it well. I know it feels like everyone else is doing it better. I know you want to be the best mum you can be.

You’re fucking doing it.

When the kids are crying and you’re overwhelmed remember: You’re fucking doing it. Right now, right here you’re getting shit done and you’re just fucking doing it.

This life is you, you’ve made it and you’re making it.

Never forget that. When you get a chance to stop and drink some cold coffee or tea, if the kids get to sleep and you get to pour a glass of wine or fuck it, a gin, make sure you take a moment and say:

FUCK YEAH I’M FUCKING DOING IT.

You’re doing it so well that everyone around you is just like how does she do it? How does she cope?

And you can stand up and say:

I just fucking do it.

And, just so you know – you do it really fucking well.

For my sister who always just fucking does it and who inspires me to just fucking do it too – I’m sorry that I was a dick. I love you Joey x

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  1. I needed this today – I am totally a member of the ‘Just Fucking Doing It’ club

    • Girlfriends! Twin mom here. 14 month old boys and a 7 year old boy.
      Just fucking doing it with 60lbs of squirming baby gorilla-impersonators, one on each arm.

      “How do you do it?” often followed by, “I couldn’t do it.” is something I hear about 50-100x a week. At the grocery. At the bank. At the gas station. JESUS CHRIST what do they think is my alternative?!

      • Exactly. I have four total, and twins were the first two. People say it all. the. time. Like….what choice do I have?! What do you imagine you would do if they were yours?

  2. I love this post so much! I often say to people you just gotta do what you gotta do but I’m gonna steal your line. I’m just fucking doing it. All day. Every day.

  3. Thank you. I really fucking needed this tonight. Having a wee cry. Just really hit the spot. Just fucking doing it club. Exactly bang on.

  4. Awesome fucking read. I stupidly left my job as a paid blogger (i know right… I’m such a stupid head), that pleasant 3 day a week job, to a fucking world wind of a position as Digital Marketer in my dream industry – tourism… and holy shit, I’m amazed my little family has survived the last 12 months. They’ve found me just crying in the shower from fatigue, eaten nothing but bread and butter for dinner and sometimes had a second day out of those school socks (that’s not really my fault, I mean were do all those suckers go anyway??)…. but I’ve fucking made it, achieved things I never felt were possible and best of all, my family is really proud and excited by what I do. I may not be every mother’s idea of the ‘perfect Mum’, but I honestly don’t care.

    Just keep fucking doing it ladies šŸ™‚

  5. Just what I needed, thank you! And now I’m just fucking going to cook whatever’s left in the fridge before school finishes in 45 minutes and ignore that I want to crawl in bed and sleep until my back stops hurting.

  6. Haha I love it. It reminds me of how before kids we have lots of sick days at work for silly things like a runny nose but as soon as you start working after having kids you have to be almost dead before you have your own sick day because you have to save all your sick days for the kids ? you just do it…

  7. I hear you!!! As a mum of a 3 boys (including twins) I hear this all the time. “You must be busy” “You must have your hands full” “I don’t know how you do it”. You’re totally right. When I had newborn twins and a 2 yr old, that was the hardest but it’s not like you can send one back right?

  8. Hilarious and accurate as fuck! I love this almost as much as your “I am grateful – now fuck off”

  9. Love your writing Emily.

    I’m a part-time stay at home dad looking after seven month old twins all day (and sometimes night) while their mama does 2-3 12 hour shifts at the hospital per week. They’re good boys but it takes some work, and I often feel like I should be doing a better job of it, whatever that means. But hey, this papa is just fucking doing it too – and it gives me a whole new level of respect for mamas that are just fucking doing it day after day after day.

    • All worth it in the end right? I remember your relentless energy. šŸ™‚

  10. Realistic post!
    I am a mum of four teenagers all born within 4,5 years (last two are twins). Luckily their dad is extremely helpfull and great and all, he works full time, I work part-time. Some days we wonder together: “people with no kids, what do they fucking do?”

  11. This reminded me of my sister – telling me you just do it when I worked three days a week, had 2 primary school aged children and was studying law full time. She was amazing herself and just did it – Uni study with a very ill child, fighting cancer with a bravery I could never muster – and she made me feel like superwoman with her words. My sister has now passed away and I miss her terribly. Those last 4 words made me cry – she called me Joey

    • Oh I’m so sorry Jo. I wish I could give you the biggest hug. You made me cry too. What a terrible thing to lose your sister, but she must have been a wonderful, special, amazing woman for you to speak of her as you do. She sounds like a courageous mum – you’re both in my thoughts.