Answering your questions!

Emily Writes

24 Feb 2026 — 8 min read

Kia ora!
A few weeks ago, I said I'd do an Ask Me Anything post. Thank you for all of your questions, and I'm sorry I couldn't answer them all in this post. Feel free to ask questions in the comments, and I'll try to answer them! Arohanui, Emily x

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What do you think will be the outcome of the election?

I genuinely don't know. I think if Erica Stanford and Chris Bishop roll Christopher Luxon, they'll maybe get in. Because Erica Stanford is appealing to idiots. New Zealanders love to give governments two terms. They want to give them "a good go". It's infuriating and I don't understand it.

I think the only way we will be able to ditch this government is if everyone who is voting Greens, Labour and/or Te Pāti Māori really really talks to five people they care about then maybe?

I think it's going to come down to people being really honest with family members and friends. They're going to need to have some conversations that I think people don't like. And those conversations involve saying "Hey, please don't vote for National, ACT or NZ First, this government has really harmed us as a family - we haven't been able to make ends meet because we're now paying $30 a week more for public transport and we can't afford prescriptions anymore". Or "I was made redundant and I've lost all of my savings".

That's going to be hard, but if people don't do that, they can expect this government to get in again.

I wish I could listen to you on some of the big left-wing podcasts. Is there a reason why they're not on them?

I am generally considered to be too left-wing for liberal podcasts! I'm not a huge Labour fan. I tend to support good policy rather than political parties, which isn't always that popular. Also, most men on the left don't like me because I talk a bit too much about misogyny.

Will you do another podcast?

I am always talking about doing new podcasts, but I just am not sure I have time. Josh Drummond and I have talked about starting a podcast, but we're both short on time. The thing is, when you have to hustle for work, it's hard to start a podcast knowing you won't make money from recording it, editing it, and releasing it. But I like the idea of doing it.

I've also talked a lot with my friend Rebecca Keil about doing a podcast but we both have ADHD so we can never organise anything lol.

What was your most regretted purchase of the last year? And what was your best purchase?

Most regretted is easy! I booked a dog training package that cost a lot of money, and I think about it all the time. It was such a huge waste of money. I wish, wish, wish I'd never been so foolish to book a big package. My dog is a nightmare, and all of the advice was terrible.

My best purchase? That's a bit harder? Hmmm I bought a $35 K-Mart bedside table that brings me a lot of joy. Also, I bought two Heated Rivalry tee-shirts that make me very, very happy.

How do you feel about us coming up to you in public? I sometimes see you and want to say hi, but don't want to be weird.

It depends! If I'm happy and my kids are happy, then yeah, for sure, say hi. If my youngest is worked up and I look stressed, then don't haha. If I'm on my own, it's usually fine! But if you're hammered, don't lol. For some reason, hammered women are always a bit too physically affectionate with me, haha. Also, please don't yell! I get scared if I hear a random person yelling lol.

I'm married, a mother, and I'm in my 40s, and I think I'm bisexual. Do you have any advice?

First of all, yay! It's never ever too late to discover your sexuality! My friends and I call it 'the gaywakening' when the biological imperative of having kids is over, and you're older and wiser and freer, and you care less about societal expectations. It's then that you realise: I'm gay!

The first thing I'd suggest is that you learn about compulsory heterosexuality, sometimes called CompHet. The term was created by Adrienne Rich in her 1980 essay titled "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence".

Compulsory Heterosexuality is the societal soup we are living in that tells us as women that we want to only be with men. It centres men in our sexual desires and encourages us to ignore any desires that are outside of the heterosexual norm.

I like this quote from Sam Riddell (she/her): “Compulsory heterosexuality is the societal nudge that pushes folks into opting into heterosexual relationships regardless of whether or not they truly desire to do so,” she says.

You could also check out the Lesbian bible - the Tumblr doc 'Am I a Lesbian?' It's helpful for all queer women imo.

Then, I'd say it's worth going to a few queer events - find your people and just get to know other queer women. In any group of queer women, you will find that at least half of them came out late.

The phenomenon of "late-in-life lesbians" is real. And as such, if you're in that space, you're likely to quickly find a beautiful late-bloomer* community to support you.

It's never too late to embrace your queerness. Just be wary of TERFs. They're vicious, and they hate bisexuals. Luckily they're a tiny part of the community (a community they loathe) so you should easily be able to avoid them.

*I don't love the term late. More, delayed bloomer lol.

Should I get a Heated Rivalry tattoo?

I dunno if I'm the person to ask because I think anyone should get a tattoo of anything lol. I mean, I have more tattoos than I can count, and so many of them are random. Lots, if not most, of my tattoos don't mean anything. They just 1) make me laugh or smile, or 2) I love the art of the artist.

Have I got tattoos I regret? Quite a few! I have two very big cover-ups. But I like the cover-ups, so it's fine?

I love Heated Rivalry and will probably get a HR tattoo from a queer artist I really like. I hope HR makes queer creators lots of money.

Are you still married? (This question has been condensed as there were a few personal questions about my marriage lol - some of you are quite nosey!). Is Noods your girlfriend/wife?

I don't know why that's interesting to anyone! But yes, I am married. To the same person I have always been married to. He's very private, so I don't talk about him much. Noods is not my girlfriend; she's my best friend, other half and soulmate. I think queer friendships confuse people. I weirdly am seeing this play out a bit with Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams (and HR is on my mind!). Queer people don't usually have the same hang-ups as straight people around expressing physical affection and deep love for/with their friends. So it confuses people. Which I enjoy lol.

So, that's it from me! Finally, I want to share an important message!

Here at Emily Writes Weekly, we’re about real giving that makes a real impact.

Last year, we did a drive to get folks to sign up for One Percent Collective. It’s such an awesome organisation. They make it wildly easy to give to a heap of trusted charities with one simple signup. You can give as much as you like, as often as you like.

I wanted to tell you how well that drive went in the hopes that we can do it again!

As a community, we gained 14 new donors for One Percent Collective, and I reckon we can beat that record this time!

Thanks to you, we were able to do the equivalent of:

• 35 children who have been able to grow, harvest, prepare and share fresh produce from their school garden for a whole school year thanks to Garden to Table's programmes.

• 23 hours of confidential, anonymous OutLine Aotearoa phone and chat support for people in the rainbow community who need access, information and a sense of community.

• 18 hours of specialist consultation from Grandparents Raising Grandchildren to guide and empower grandparents on issues including income support, guardianship, and parenting their grandchildren.

• 94 meals prepared by adult learners in WELLfed classes, giving them the kai-based confidence to cook healthy, affordable meals for their families.

• 8 refurbished laptops gifted to someone in need by Digital Future Aotearoa.

• 47 support hours from Little Miracles Trust for parents and whānau experiencing the stress and anxiety of a neonatal journey.

• And it has helped Rare Disorders New Zealand to provide a space for 300,000 people to turn to for advice, support and advocacy.

As you can see, we can make a difference, and we did make a difference.

So here’s what I’m asking you: Please check out One Percent Collective and if you don’t want to sign up as a donor, share it with your community. A friend or family member might see it and they might sign up!

You can also share stories about the impact One Percent Collective makes.

Here are some recent stories showing how far your donation goes: Rare Disorders New Zealand, WELLfed, The Little Miracles Trust, Garden to Table, OutLine Aotearoa, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Digital Future Aotearoa.

Thank you! You are truly the best and I love having you here! Arohanui, Emily

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