Are people over 65 still horny?

Questions are being asked by horny pensioners and sex educators as to why the Ministry of Social Development’s SuperGold Card programme thinks they’re offended by sex.

The team running the SuperGold Card programme recently declined a business partner request from an adult store after initially agreeing to sign them up.

Girls Get Off co-founder Viv Conway was told in an unsigned email: “As part of our programme, we have specific criteria for participating businesses to ensure alignment with the expectations and interests of the wider senior community and so unfortunately we must decline your application”.

The SuperGold Card is a discount and concession card for all New Zealanders aged 65 and over. It gives cardholders concessions and discounts. The SuperGold card programme encourages businesses to sign up to become “a valued Business Partner” and “gain access to…a powerful directory to showcase your business to seniors”.

The responsibility for assessing and determining eligibility ultimately rests with the Ministry of Social Development.

Conway says originally Girls Get Off - which supplies lubricant, condoms and sex toys - had been approved by the SuperGold team.

When Conway tried to upload a new image, she was told the application had now been declined. When she queried this, an unnamed member of the SuperGold card team said, “to ensure alignment with the expectations and interests of the wider senior community…unfortunately we must decline your application”.

Conway says their views about adults over 65 and sex are disappointing. “Their response suggests that their audience would be offended by the products. But when we appear in mainstream media, we actually get more uptake from the 50 to 60 plus age demographic than any other demographic.”

“When we were in Women's Day, the traffic on our website from the 65 plus age demographic outweighed any other age demographic for three weeks.”

This tracks with my experience with friends over 65 who might just be some of the horniest people I’ve ever met. Still, the SuperGold Card team wasn’t buying it. Even if they just offered a discount on their famous waterproof blanket.

“After careful consideration, we have decided not to proceed with your offer at this time. Our website caters specifically to an audience of individuals aged 65 and over. We strive to provide content and offers that are aligned with the interests and sensitivities of this demographic.”

“While we acknowledge that the waterproof blanket on its own is a product that could be genuinely useful for SuperGold Card holders, our concern lies in the broader customer journey. When users are directed to your website, they will be introduced to your full product range. This may cause some individuals to feel misled or uneasy, especially if the wider content does not align with their initial expectation.”

Lily, who didn’t want her last name to be used, says this reasoning isn’t just incorrect it’s insulting.

“They should have seen how I celebrated my 65th birthday. All of my girls took me to a sex shop and we had a great time. I’ve got plenty of things in my top draw and I can’t understand who is making these decisions about pensioners and why they’re making them”.

Her husband Andrew agreed. “To be honest,” he says. “I think we’re having more sex than any other age group. Our kids have kids and they’ve long moved out of home. There’s plenty of time to have fun. And we’re having more fun than we did in our thirties”.

Conway says over 65 year-olds aren’t prudes and they certainly wouldn’t feel uneasy at the sight of lube.

“We had a 78 year-old lady who had lost her soulmate five years before. She really missed the 'big O' and was so pleased to have found Missy (Girls Get Off’s bestselling toy). She said she was disappointed she wasn't going to be around for the look on her kids’ faces when they inevitably found it in her bedside table after she passed away”.

Melody Thomas, host of the podcast The Good Sex Project and writer of , says the decision is patronising and infantalising.

“To take the decision to access these kinds of products away from people assumes that people over a certain age don’t have sexual desires or an intimate sex life. That feels very infantalising. I have spoken to a lot of people who enjoy partnered sexual pleasure and solo pleasure well into their older years. I have even interviewed older people who have experienced sexual pleasure for the first time ever in their sixties and seventies.”

She’s heard a lot of sex stories and one that sticks in her mind is about a woman in her seventies whose husband was dying.

“This was a really stressful time for her and during this time her daughter suggested that maybe they go shopping for a sex toy so that she would have something that gives her pleasure and a break from the stress. Something that she can turn to without putting any pressure on her husband. She did that and it made such a huge difference,” she says.

Thomas hopes the SuperGold team will change their mind. “Sex positivity isn't just for young people - sex can be a wonderful part of older people's lives too. It would be a really wonderful step in the right direction for those running the Super Gold programme to normalise joy and pleasure for this age group.”

Certified sex educator Emma Hewitt-Johnson has worked in the sex toy industry for more than a decade, she says sadly the stigma around older people and sex toys isn’t new.

“Unfortunately, there is a myth that persists that older people don’t have sex or experience arousal, and this is simply not true,” she says.

“What we know from both the research and anecdotal evidence is that sexuality continues after 65, and for many people, this can be a great time for exploration and trying new things.”

“As we age, our bodies and how they function do change, so yes, sex might look different for people, but that doesn’t mean that it stops entirely. People over 65 can absolutely have active, healthy and horny sex lives!”

Even if the idea of sex toys makes the SuperGold Card team (of unknown ages) blush, it’s important to be mature about the topic, Hewitt-Johnson says.

“For a long period in sex toy history, they were called “marital aids”. And while I’m not fond of that term for several reasons, I do think that looking at these kinds of products as aids and tools for sexual pleasure, as well as toys, is a good thing.”

“Sex toys are incredible tools for adults of all ages. They can provide strong forms of stimulation for those with lower genital sensitivity, assist people to achieve and maintain erections, allow people to stay in positions comfortably for longer periods and help with vaginal dryness and comfort during play. All of which can be greatly beneficial for folks over 65.”

“Let the people have a discount on their sex toys!” she laughs.

Conway says regardless of the views of the Ministry of Social Development which manages the SuperGold Card programme and sets criteria for its discounts, Girls Get Off will still be offering discounts to over 65s.

“We will continue on as normal,” she says. “But I do think that it's a shame that in this case sexual wellbeing Isn't being treated the same as other well-being categories.”

The SuperGold Card Programme team did not respond to my questions.

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