I’m sorry, I do want to talk on the phone actually.
Last month, a great piece of clickbait popped into my feed: 8 things boomers refuse to stop doing that drive younger generations absolutely crazy. I immediately clicked because I had an absurd amount of mahi to do and was looking for something to distract me.
Number one was exactly what you'd expect: Calling instead of texting.
I gulped. I think it's time to make a confession. Please don't unsubscribe, but I have to tell you: I'm with the Boomers.
We need to bring back calling.
And yes, I know everyone under the age of 50 thinks calling someone instead of texting is akin to taking a dump on their dining room table - but please, hear me out.
Calling each other isn't just better than texting; dragging people back into the dark ages of calling is a public service.
Please, stay with me. I know you're already angry at me, but it's time we had this difficult conversation. And let me tell you - it'd be better if I were saying all this down the phone. And here's why:
- Texting takes too long.
What would be a five-minute conversation becomes 40 minutes of painful texting. Here's an example:
Me on the phone: Hey I have an hour for coffee, I've got to pick up Eddie for Kapa Haka at Midday. Do you want me at Empire for a quick coffee?
You on the phone: Yeah I only have until 1pm. Can you grab me a latte and I'll see you in 15 minutes?
Vs.
Me texting: Coffee? 15 minutes?
15 minutes later.
You texting: Yeah.
Me: Empire?
You: What time?
20 minutes later
Me: Soz I only have half an hour now.
The next day.
You: Coffee?
You can also hear tone on the phone - I know you're not angry with me. But if I'm reading a text how do I know if 'sorry, I can't tonight' means 'sorry, I can't tonight'. Because you might mean 'your personality and everything about you is annoying and I never want to hang out with you ever again'.
HOW WOULD I KNOW?
- I want to hear your voice.
It feels like everything in the world is terrible. I want to know you're doing OK, and I feel like I can only tell if I hear your voice. It's really easy to say you're fine by text when actually you're not.
I want to know if my friends are struggling. I also want to know when they're celebrating. I need the full spectrum of humanity in my ear, you know?
It can be so hard to find the time to spend with friends when you're working all the time or the kids have time-consuming hobbies...If I can't see you face-to-face, I want to be ear-to-ear.
It reminds us why we love each other, why we choose to be friends, why we want to be there for one another. You're your best self on the phone. Nobody is their best self by text.
- I can't gossip by text message.
Truly, a gossip by text or DM sucks. I can't get my follow-up questions to you fast enough. I can't figure out who you're talking about without asking 20 questions because I cannot remember anyone's name.
Plus, we shouldn't be talking about some gross literary guy and his weird sexual proclivities on Instagram. There's an NDA in place. We should be doing it at a book launch with everyone else who hates him. But you've got Covid, and my child has conjunctivitis again, so can we please laugh down the phone about him instead?
Bring back spending an hour on the phone like we did when we were teenagers. We need it.
- We need to remind each other we're not alone.
Online, if a friend sends a message that says 'I miss you,' it just doesn't have the same oomph as a call. I might not be able to talk when they call, but I know they really do want to catch up properly. It's not a hollow 'we should catch up' that we repeat to each other every three months for six years.
If you struggle with social anxiety, FOMO, general life angst - it's pretty normal to feel lonely or worried at least some of the time. A DM doesn't fix that like a phone call can.
My DMs are full of work. They're full of obligations and demands. A random DM? Terrible. Hate it. A random phone call from a friend? A dream. I love it.
I have a neighbour who, like me, works from home. We very rarely have time during the day to hang out, so we do errands together. We go to the rubbish dump together or to the chemist. We will do anything together to have a quick hangout and catch each other up on our lives.
A phone call allows the same for when you're not neighbours, and catch-ups take meticulous planning around children, work, health, and family. It reminds you that you might now have much space in your life but you have friends. You have people who love you.
- The tweens and teens know phone calls are the best.
My son is on the phone all the time. As he's cleaning his room, I can hear the voices of his friends. They're all laughing, joking, playing music to each other... They're all doing random things, like not cleaning their rooms and just moving their crap around instead, which only makes more mess...But they have company! It makes a tedious chore more enjoyable.
It reminds me of when I was a teenager, spending all my time on the phone. We used to listen to Veruca Salt albums and sing to each other down the phone. We did three-way calls. It was great.
The kids these days can have 20 of them on a call. They have it made.
So why did we stop doing fun phone calls? Let's bring it back.
I feel like all of the 'I hate phone calls' discourse is actually about hating capitalism. We have so many demands on our time and energy these days. We are made to work so many more hours thanks to social media. Emails and DMs are expected to be answered immediately, no matter what. Work hours are no longer nine to five - they stretch into our evenings, stealing our social time.
Often, people text me or DM me after emailing me. Just to make sure I reply straight away! It SUCKS. I hate 'read' because just because I've read something, it doesn't mean I'm ready to respond.
I think we think that's what a phone call will be - another demand on our time and attention. But if we called each other more, we would know that isn't true.
I'm not advocating for answering unknown numbers - just mates. I will never be killed like they do in the Scream movies because I'll never answer a call from an unknown number. I won't listen to a voicemail either. But I know that a call from a friend is infinitely better than a call that might mean more work or someone trying to sell me insurance.
And knowing the difference between a wanted or unwanted call is part of our healing as a socially anxious generation.
Also knowing the difference between a Not Fun Call (booking the dentist) and a Fun call (talking to your bestie while parked in your driveway pretending you're not home yet) is crucial.
Not Fun calls are not included in any of this. You can't make me call anyone if it's not fun. If it's a Fun Call or a Phun Call if you will....then it's the right type of call.
That makes sense right? Did I convince you?
Trust me, it's time to heal.
Get on the phone.
We need to get talking again.
Say no to texting. And make the right call.
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