In defence of Halloween!

Halloween in New Zealand is still not really a thing. But it should be.

I love a good dress-up. If I had my way, every party I ever put on would be a dress-up party. So, let's be fair - I have always been easy to win over when it comes to Halloween.

I have always bought lollies, hoping children would come to my door, even before having little ones of my own. Unfortunately, I’ve also always lived in typical Wellington houses with hundreds of dodgy steps, so my Halloweens before kids were spent eating a family block of chocolate on my own at 10 pm, finally sure no cute little witches and ghosts would be on my doorstep.

I still liked Halloween, but it was nothing compared to how much I like it now. I love it! I know this is not a universal feeling among parents, but I really believe Halloween can be so much fun with children.

My first Halloween post-child involved me forcing my month-old baby into a penguin costume as my husband rolled his eyes. It was totally worth it and I have no regrets. Our second Halloween together, my baby was a carrot (I have always had a soft spot for children as vegetables). On our third Halloween together, I was very pregnant and he dressed himself as a zombie Fireman Elsa. Then came a Zombie Lion. The new baby was Pea and Ham soup (I dressed the Ham as a Pea – get it?). Since then, we have had a shark, a flower clown, a robot horse, a bubble and a “bunch of flowers”.

This year I've got a banana and Wednesday.

But I get that many people – maybe most? - don’t really like Halloween. And I am not sure I can convince anyone to love it, but I can give you a few reasons why I think it’s great.

Kids get to be creative.

I encourage my kids to make their costumes. One of my favourite Halloweens was in 2018. My son spent two weeks on his bubble costume. For a while, he kept thinking he would be a rainbow. Then he would return to the idea of the bubble.

Not bubbles - a single bubble.

It has been a challenge. I have enjoyed watching him try out different ideas (hula hoop + Glad Wrap did not work) until he finally settled on bubble wrap and, potentially, a tin-foil hat.

Costumes don’t have to be store-bought; they can be created at home, together with things you have lying around. We are using fake floral leis and a green tutu for my little one's flower costume. He has been very involved, and it has cost about $5. The kids are excited and proud. Halloween has given them the chance to be creative and show off their hard work.

You get to meet your neighbours and create some community.

It seems a bit strange to me that people rail against Halloween because it’s “not safe” to be out on the streets. Surely it’s safer for your children to meet the neighbours and build a community? On our street, we have dozens of kids who mostly know each other, but Halloween gives us a chance to catch up on the street and compare costumes.

Meeting elderly folks who are excited to chat with kids is lovely too. After last year’s Halloween trick-or-treating, we began visiting our elderly neighbour more often, bringing her muffins and cookies. Halloween allowed us to meet her.

Kids can practise their manners and social skills

My kid knows that you only take one lolly. You say 'please' and 'thank you'. They practise manners at every house they visit by speaking clearly and saying “nice words”. When an adult barks through the door “GO AWAY” kids can learn to practise their manners by saying “thank you” and leaving.

For my child who finds being 'out and about' really scary - I have practiced lots of things to help him still be part of the trick-or-treating game. I visited neighbours and gave a small pack of lollies and note that said my child is autistic and could we visit to get the lollies at a set time. If yes - wonderful. If no - doesn't matter, they got to enjoy some lollies. This way I could include my little one without him feeling overwhelmed.

This year, he's not trick-or-treating; instead, he's doing a seance to try to contact Karl Marx so he can learn how to stage a communist takeover of Aotearoa. But in the past, it's helped him learn social skills and feel safe in his community.

It can encourage confidence in children.

As I said above, Halloween can help you get out of your comfort zone and connect with others. One of my kids is very extroverted; the other isn’t. Being able to say “Trick or treat, please” to get a lolly can be a good incentive, try giving connecting with others a go.

Practising talking to neighbours is a great, safe way for my child to build a bit more confidence. Hopefully, this confidence will carry over to school so he can ask for what he needs when he needs it.

It makes children and families visible.

In a world where children are being increasingly encouraged to be seen and not heard, isn’t it kind of nice to have happy children running up and down the street? When parents feel they can’t go to cafes and restaurants for fear of getting evil eyes if their child laughs too loud, isn’t it cool that families can head out in costume to the park or their local school for a play?

It’s fun!

Yeah, this is just a simple one. Kids love it. And it’s kind of hard to be a kid. Shouldn’t we be making as many opportunities as possible for kids to enjoy themselves?

It’s not compulsory

Really, nobody will mind if you don’t take part. You can always put a sign up saying “No Trick or Treaters”. We usually avoid any houses that aren’t decorated. It’s OK not to want to take part. As an anxious person, I find parts of it quite stressful, and I certainly understand people feeling anxious about kids knocking on their door.

I also know it can be hard for children with allergies and neurodivergent adults and children. I support anyone doing what they want on Halloween. But I hope they’ll do the same for all the kids who do want to take part.

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If you do want to “do” Halloween this year, I guess I’d say thanks! My children, and heaps of children, really, really love the day, and it’s so lovely to see others excited.

If you’re an adult taking part, I have a few tips as well because I’m just like that:

• A child who takes forever to say “trick or treat”, can’t say it, or spends ages choosing a lolly might be neurodivergent, have a processing disorder, speech challenges, or be non-speaking. Please be patient with them. This is a learning experience for them.
• To support kids who have allergies, you could hand out spooky pictures or spiders instead of lollies. Keep any food treats and non-food treats in separate bowls.
• It’s cool not to do lollies and instead do grapes or tomatoes. The kids will hate it, but as a parent, I like it.
• A child without a costume might not have had help making one, or might not be able to afford one - there could be lots of reasons, but they shouldn’t feel excluded.
• Please don’t open the door in a scary mask or try to frighten small children. Older kids love it, but most little kids can’t yet distinguish between what is pretend and what isn’t.

Finally, if you’re a parent doing Halloween, my tip is to go out early and don’t be out long. We organise a playdate so trick-or-treating is limited to just the houses with decorations, and we try to make it more about the dressing up than the getting lollies (a work in progress because lollies are life for a lot of kids).

That saves a lot of disappointment and helps refocus things, given I plan to eat all their lollies while they’re in bed.

Also lots of schools and churches do Halloween events so check your local listing if you want to avoid trick or treating.

Most of all, enjoy!