The Coalition Government kindy tapes
The biggest news from the last three weeks or so (ignoring the latest Gone in 60 Seconds Ceasefire between the US and Iran) is horrible: 50,000 more children are suffering from material hardship than three years ago. And the government is going to address that by... sacking 10,000 people and replacing them with AI in the middle of an unemployment crisis?
Oh boy. The Coalition and its think-tank allies like the Taxpayer's Union and Hobson's Pledge and their army of bootlickers on "X" are going to need a hell of a manufactured scandal to distract from this doozie. What are they going to go with, I wonder?
Of course! They can get upset at the
🚨 🚨 🚨 BREAKING: ABSOLUTE SCANDAL 🚨 🚨 🚨
of the Greens selling a jumper for $165 to raise money for their election campaign.
Yes, that's it. Really.
But then I was leaked the transcripts of some tapes! Somehow this just keeps happening to me! I listened, and it turned out they were from the Education Review Office who have put in place a remedial Education Improvement Plan for Coalition Government Kindy...
Feel free to skip to the comments if you read this already in your email!
ERO: Today we're at Pōneke Parliament Kindergarten for our Education Review Report. We'll be observing teacher Anita Napp and head teacher Jo King.
Pōneke Parliament Kindergarten head teacher Jo King: Kia ora team, we have a busy day today, we have a full class. And we have a new student - a friend of Winston's - Elliot Ikilei. He's had to leave Hobson's Bludge for personal reasons, but as you know, we accept all children here. Keep your eye out for the kids who will need extra support today. Christopher L is having a really difficult time with separation anxiety, and he cries every time David S and Winston leave the room. You can imagine how much Winston is exploiting this. David keeps taking school lunches from the other kids, and of course, Chris B has been caught smoking again. OK, chop chop - let's get to it.
Whaea Anita: All Eyes On Me, tamariki mā! All Eyes On Me! Now, now, there's no need to cry, David S! We've talked about this. Te Reo Māori can't hurt you, OK?
Oh Elliot! Tears already? Are you OK? What's wrong, little man? Marama and Chloe did what?
They have a jumper? You have a jumper too, friend!
Oh! You want to wear the jumper? But you can't?
The jumper...is...Communism? Oh, sweet boy! It's not communism. Let's talk about what communism is and isn't, shall we? Good boy!
Does the jumper cost money? It does?
Well, under communism, we are all three things, aren't we? Can you count to three? Let's do it together. 1. 2. 3. That's right!
We are 1) stateless - what does that mean? No countries and no borders right? 2) Classless? No, I don't mean this class, Elliot! I mean that - you know how you're a class traitor because you desperately want to be in a higher class? Under communism, we are not separated by class! And 3) Moneyless!
So, if the jumper you want costs money - that's not communism, that's capitalism isn't it my friend? Oh, you believe Marama and Chloe are communists? Because you don't like them?
Oh darling, you can't just call everyone you don't like a communist! What's that? Did you say they're socialists? OK, let's talk about socialism, friend!
Socialism is a gradual change toward a society where resources - the things we need to live - are shared and we all have what we need instead of having a billionaire oligarchy exploiting workers. Sorry - I mean 'mean bullies being mean to people who have less than them.' Socialism is where the bullies have to share what they have and aren't allowed to be mean!
And do we have that now? That's right class! No we do not! In fact we're far from it! How far? You know how in the book Guess How Much I Love You, Big Nutbrown Hare has to open his arms VERY VERY far to show Little Nutbrown Hare how much he loves him? Well we are EVEN FURTHER than that! I know! Amazing!
At the moment the ruling class own everything, Elliot, and people have two choices: work for the ruling class or... be very hungry, and we don't like to be hungry do we pumpkin? No, David, it's not lunchtime yet, put that warm milk back in your bag, I know you are peckish! Well, under communism, all of us along with all of our families who actually do the mahi, own the 'means of production' together. Kāhore Elliot, do try to keep your mouth closed, no-one likes a constant unceasing wail!
Oh, you think you're part of the ruling class? That you'll one day be rewarded for selling out your family and friends? Oh no my friend! So let's recap shall we? Ka pai!
The jumper is expensive because it was made by workers who were paid almost properly - but they still don't own the means of production.
Winston, please put that brown bottle back in the paper bag. I don't think that's something we should bring to school is it? No it is not. Please give that to me now - thank you Winston.
Now do you know what 'there's no ethical consumption under capitalism' means? Of course, you don't. You're just a child! It's OK, friend! We are all learning! It means we try to do our best to consume ethically but because we live under a system of capitalism and not communism or socialism...It's very hard to do!
Can we do hard things Elliot? We sure can!
So, do we try not to be good to each other? YES! WE! DO!
Do we try to be good to our planet! YES! WE! DO!
Do you still feel angry at the jumper Elliot? Do you still feel angry at Marama and Chloe? You don't? That's good!
Yes Elliot! We are all learning all the time aren't we?
Learning is fun, not scary right? Don't listen to Winston when he says being mean keeps you safe. We know it doesn't. Don't we?
We learn with our friends. And we make friends by being nice don't we.
Christopher Bishop you put that cigarette down this instant!!