What mothers really want for Mother's Day

Emily Writes

08 May 2026 — 7 min read

It’s not ibuprofen (thank you to the reader who sent me this).

On Sunday, it's Mother's Day. I've written quite a bit about the terrible things the Steves of the world market to us for Mother's Day. Usually, we do the Steve Awards for Excellence in Bad Mother's Day Marketing. But this year I ran out of time. I decided to ask my readers what they wanted for Mother's Day so we could crowd-source an accurate gift guide.

Sickness has hit the Josh household, so we are not putting out an episode of Emily Josh Pod today. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, RSS.com, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, if you want to catch up on episodes.

I will still be putting out Friday Night Chats tonight! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this Mother's Day post.

It was surprising to me how many mothers didn't want anything fancy. They just wanted to see David Seymour suffer. Anyway, here's the list! Enjoy! And make sure you share what you want on Sunday!

Edited for clarity and if they were too horny or violent. The quotes are real, but the names are not.

Feel free to skip to the comments if you read this already in your email!

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A night in a hotel alone with room service and a good book. I would also take someone shoving a cream pie in David Seymour’s face.
– Abbey Road

Labour to actually make proper commitments on pay equity!
– Melisandre

The money flagged for erectile dysfunction research is instead allocated to endometriosis research.
– Lorena B

That the world actually gives a fuck about violence towards women.
– Cassandra

Perfectly fitting jeans with just the right amount of stretch.
– Jay Jay

Doc Martens that are comfortable from the first time you wear them.
– Lizzie

For people to stop saying they're solo parenting when their partner is away for a week. Also, if you know a solo mum, please get them a Mother's Day present (even if it's just a homemade card). Younger kids don't know when it is, and to be honest, all we really want is to be seen.
– Eve

An instruction manual on my specific children would be fantastic!
– Carla

Cheaper groceries, a tax on the rich, and a new government
– Lenora

I just want people to celebrate mums. And let the mums not have to organise a bloody thing all day and actually eat and drink the foods they like and fuck everyone else! And no mum should have to do any housework or cook a single thing.
– Wilma F

What do I want for Mother's Day? Competition between the supermarkets so that food prices go down. But also definitely a Connor Storrie Hudson Williams Eiffel Tower.
– Marlene

Donations have been a game-changer since I switched to Ghost. If you can give a koha to the kaupapa, every little bit helps so much.
Thank you!

Give a koha

A snap election ….
– Maggie S

A tax system that makes billionaires extinct and properly takes care of everyone. Some money for doing my silly little hobbies. And Oscar Isaac in some slutty little glasses working as a masseuse at a massage place on the one day I happen to go in there for a full body aromatherapy…
– Ariadne

Emotional stability.
– Jill

No one talking to me. No one touching me. Make me breakfast and get out. – Helen K

A teacher aide in every classroom.
– Anne Sullivan

Luxon's head exploding the next time he says ‘what I’ll say to you is’.
– Amanda L

I want the High Court to lift the proposed ban on puberty blockers this week, so all young people have access to this life-affirming treatment if they ever need it. That would be the best Mother's Day gift.
– Desiree

For Chris Luxon and National to lose the election by HEAPS.
– Salome

Shitty men to be held accountable for their actions; a new government that works for the well-being of all its people and the land (not just the wealthy few); housing and food security for all of our people; and a full body scrub and massage.
– Jael

Disable all generative AI.
– Serena Butler

Predro Pascal pounding me into oblivion.
– Erika K

Fully funded well resourced ECE!!!!!!
– Ruth

Extended parental leave at full pay! Paid parental leave for partners! Watching every shit male politician get told off by their mum and watching them slink away, heads hung in shame!
– Cassiopeia

Curriculum changes to stop.
– Mary B

David Seymour to shit his pants in parliament.
– Fi Cal-Matter

A week in Italy with Emily Blunt, John Krasinski and Stanley Tucci.
– Emily B

Luxon has to do a grocery shop on a middle-income earner's budget. Oh, and also fill his car up out of the same budget.
– Bertha

Ilya Rozanov eats me out (Shane can watch).
– Krystal

Husband to take baby for three days and leave me alone.
– Kyrsten

One day where my husband is Operations Manager for our family, and I get to be the over-paid CEO who flits in late and drinks lots of coffee.
– Louise D

Healthy kids.
– Anne S

David Seymour craps his pants during a press conference and resigns.
– Brooke van V

I just want to read my book all day.
– Hypatia

Cate Blanchett tells me I'm a good girl and spits in my mouth.
– Beyonce K

A series of voodoo dolls of Luxon, Seymour, Trump, and Netanyahu.
– Naomi

Agod damn minute to myself. No, a whole day alone. At home. With Mr Tom Hayward (sleeves rolled up and forearms fully displayed) reciting poetry to me with tears glistening in his eyelashes. He only stops to check I'm okay and then spends the rest of the day cooking and cleaning my house with those muscular forearms glistening from the exertion.
– Kate Sheppard

Some sort of scandal where Seymour shits his pants in the gallery from drinking too much room-temperature milk, or the Snapchatting minors story comes back. The media actually pick it up, too, and even his die-hard racist fans are disgusted.
– Helen C

All the famous rich people in the world start having a backbone and speaking up about genocide, and they actually mention Israel's illegal and evil actions.
– Ella Y O-C

A goddamn day off parenting.
– Kourtney K

Alexander Skarsgard in leather, that's all.
– Katie

A free Palestine. Death to pedos.
– Olga

All the pick me girls who side with male abusers to develop chronic, uncontrollable, pungent flatulence.
– Loren

I want to be kissed like the other person is starved for me, and also pay rises for all teacher aides.
– Lisa S

Dear Emily, for Mother’s Day, please manifest a career-ending scandal for David Seymour, the satisfaction it would bring to see that smirk finally wiped off his face. Although no one else may be harmed by his scandal of course.
– Sarah B

Can I have a house and easy paperwork for my AuDHD child? Also, free groceries and power would be nice.
– Wendy

Would 100% want Luxon being fired into the sun.
– Nicola W

Everyone in the Epstein files to face prosecution.
– Chloe

David Seymour to accidentally shit himself publicly.
– Jenny S

Men to experience pregnancy and childbirth for just one day.
– Paris H

My child to eat the food I cook for them without complaining.
– Emily W

For golf to not exist. If all else fails, a scented candle and a lie-in would be nice. – Lydia K

Elimination of every stupid expectation and 'shoulds' for mothers. Put 'em in the bin! – Julie

An Old Fashioned while reading my book in bed with freshly washed sheets dried in the sun. – Bluey H

A massage and silence. – Bingo H

Cake and cunnilingus.
– Chilli H

Zuru to go bankrupt and David Seymour convicted and in prison. Don't care what for, but something he cannot easily get out for. – Karen C

A free Palestine Lebanon Sudan Congo and whole day to read. – Barbara K

Stable housing.
– Sudima

Safety for everyone, and I want to climb Jacob Elordi dressed as Heathcliff like a tree. – Olivia J-G

Happy Mother's Day to all of the exhausted, feral, beautiful, horny mothers out there. May you have all that you desire.

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