Will Luxon roll over?

A snap Emily Writes Weekly post about our potential new Prime Minister.

Will Christopher Luxon survive today's 9.30am meeting? Will we have a new Prime Minister in a few hours? I'd love to know what you think. I don't think it benefits us all that much to have a new Prime Minister because I fear our country has an obsession with letting people have a 'go' at being in government.

I worry folks will say 'ok well, let's give a new Chris a go' because we have a strange fetish for fairness here that doesn't extend beyond politicians who own five houses. I often think we swing between National and Labour for the reason - and that's why we rarely have one-term governments. Some people seem to want to 'give a chance' to politicians (but not people who deserve another chance).

Anyway, it's probably good that people are seeing how fractured the National Party and coalition are and how they really are the coalition of chaos that they tried to claim Labour/Greens/TPM would be!

Let's look at our future PM options eh?

Here's my view on each 'challenger' and why I think they'll be popular with the National caucus:

Erica Stanford

• Perfect 'Glass Cliff' candidate. The 'Glass Cliff' is a term used when women get 'promotions' that are anything but. Almost always appointed during a crisis, the likelihood of failure is almost always sky-high. When Stanford inevitably fails, they can just say it's because she's a woman.
• She's vicious. Hundreds of organisations and church groups have begged her for two and a half years to provide even one humanitarian visa to Palestinians facing genocide - even a child - and she's just been like 'nah'. Dunedin City Council told her they'd take on all of the responsibility for supporting an asylum seeker from Gaza and she still said no. She's been steadfast in her refusal to help a single person in Gaza despite her consistent championing of white Ukrainians with humanitarian visas (we should actually accept more Ukrainians fleeing war but it's clearly about race here)?
• She's not busy because David Seymour has really been doing her job. She tried to be education minister but David Seymour has been pulling her strings. Another puppet PM makes sense.

Chris Bishop

• He's always just there. He's kind of the perfect Prime Minister because he's everywhere but also nowhere. No achievements but also seems to be in every room which gives the illusion of achievements? Truly kind of impressive.
• Winston likes him. Because he always has heaps of cigs. He's so in with the tobacco lobby that he's learned how to do backroom deals to secure popularity, and by "backroom deals" we mean "handing out darts behind the parliamentary bike shed."
• He's very National-coded. Think of any controversial topic. The worst position you could take is Chris Bishop's. This is a man who just blocked Gisborne council's plans to address forestry slash and erosion. Who simps for slash?!

Nicola Willis

• Glass cliff candidate again.
• Can pretend she didn't want the job like Jacinda, but we all know she wants the job. I've never seen anyone so desperate to want to be seen as a new Jacinda. The issue is she has no empathy and she's trying to emulate someone known for their empathy.
• She's kind of like a barnacle on the side of the Luxon boat so it's not much of a leap to have her as PM. She's been a defender since day one of Luxon, despite the fact that he'd skin her and turn her into a leather coat if he was cold.

Simeon Brown

• You could put him in Winston Peters' toupee, and he could work him like the rat from Ratatouille. This would provide more influence for National with NZ First. The problem with this is that he's so anti-abortion he's already practically an NZ First MP.
• You could put him in David Seymour's pocket and he could spy on ACT. This would provide more influence for National with ACT. The problem with this is that he's so neoliberal he's already basically an ACT MP.
• Is popular with the men in National because he wants to turn the women in National into handmaids.

Mark Mitchell 

• Maybe a war criminal? Which is a good vibe for National.
• Sold a mercenary company and became a multi-millionaire. Which is a good vibe for National.
• He's been married four times. Which is a good vibe for National.

So who is your pick? Do you think Luxon will survive the meeting? We will have a live chat for paid subscribers. Get your bets in!

Share my stuff to your social network of choice!