I’m still alive kind of


I’ve had heaps of emails so I thought I should write this post. The emails are kind of “I’m not on Facebook or Twitter and you haven’t posted since the Tarzan post! ARE YOU DEAD? HAVE YOU GIVEN UP MUMMY BLOGGING?”

Or they say: “WHY AREN’T YOU BLOGGING ABOUT MUM STUFF ANYMORE? I don’t want film reviews give me mum stuff”.


And so I’m sorry. I didn’t disappear. Look at all these reviews I went and wrote for Metro Magazine:

But yeah, I haven’t posted anything since Tarzan. Because of two things:

1) I don’t like all the extra attention.

Don’t yell at me – don’t do that thing where you say but you’re a blogger you have to be some narcissist who lives for going viral and getting heaps of followers and heaps of traffic. I like my usual audience – I find sudden, enormous audiences overwhelming. I love nice comments. I don’t like mean comments.  And that’s what you get when you go viral. And then people who want to go viral all the time are mean and jealous. And all of that combines to make me want to dig a very tiny hole and live in that hole.

2) I am tired.

I have two kids. I can only blog when I have something to say. If I blog when I don’t have something to say – why am I blogging? I find that some of the most divisive stuff in this genre of blogging is written for the express purpose of a lot of hits. It’s calculated. And I hate that. And I try to stop myself being that type of blogger by only blogging when I have something to say. When I feel compelled to share something. Then I sit on it for a wee while so I know it’s not going to hurt anyone or make anyone feel shit or pit mums against each other. I rarely, if ever, write about controversial things.

POINT TWO POINT FIVE: So back to being tired. This isn’t my job though I’d very much like it to be. And if you want to hire me to come and speak at your thing or write something for you I would love for you to email me at emilywritesnz @ gmail.com. But it’s not my job. My kids and my actual paid work job are my jobs. So when I suddenly get paid work. Like with Metro. I have to focus on that. Also I am finishing my book. Which is also a paid job. So like anyone with children or jobs or both I am very tired at the end of the day. And the end of the day is when I do my writing.

And I know these are excuses – but I have been sick a lot because the kids keep getting sick.

And this blog doesn’t make me money. Like everyone was like PAY DAY! When they saw the Tarzan stats and it’s like who do you think is paying me lol? And I can’t just put advertising up because I get too scared that some mum is going to come on here and she’s going to have a two day old baby and there’s going to be an ad for “LOSE YR BABY WEIGHT FATTY” or another mum who is stressed about returning or not returning to work will see an ad that says “LOAN $15K HERE NOW JUST CLICK HERE FREE MONEY” and it’s a terrible loan shark person. And I know you can click things to make sure you don’t get that on your site but they always slip through.

I don’t want to make money from ads that encourage gambling or other things that I think cause social harm. And then when places contact me and are like – we will pay for you to have our ad up – but their company is ethically iffy or like they want me to say just organically hey mums if you really loved your children you’d use THIS PRODUCT THAT COSTS MANY MANY HEAPS OF DOLLARS. And I have to say – While I like your money, I can’t actually tell mums to buy your thing or whatever because I wouldn’t buy your thing or whatever.

And I know some people would say – just take the money who cares. But I can’t. Because it feels shitty. And I don’t want to sell to all of you when you came here to read something not to be sold to. I have a great sponsor in Flick – BUT I am with Flick. As in – they’re my power company. It’s not hard to say – hey, you should be with Flick, if I would tell you that even if I wasn’t being paid to tell you that through having a picture on the corner of the blog. Does that make any sense, I coughed all last night and I feel like garbage on a stick.

Don’t tell Flick I would still tell people to sign up with them if I wasn’t paid because then they might stop paying me. But that’s the point I’m making. I don’t want to push products here. Which is how you monetise a blog.

Oh and a third thing even though I said there were only two things: I just wanted a break. There’s so much pressure to do all this stuff like please can you do the new thing? And I feel pressure to do the new thing.

I don’t want to hustle. I want a break.

I don’t want to do Facebook Live.

OH AND YEAH INSTAGRAM – so I post photos of my kids on instagram and I love seeing photos of your kids on Instagram. And Twitter. And Facebook. And when I share a photo of them I think it’s like just you and me hanging out laughing about our kids and they’re so cute and their faces are just so cute and look at the cheeks and stuff. But then I’m like – Oh, I have 13k FB followers now. And I don’t know, that doesn’t feel like a little crowd anymore. And it doesn’t really feel so much like just you and me being like HOW CUTE ARE THE KIDS.

But it’s hard. If I take a photo of my child and his bestie at some show that costs a lot of money to go to, they get to go to the show that costs lots of money to go to. And I get to give away family passes so other families like mine who can’t afford to go to shows get to go to shows. My sons wouldn’t ever get to do the things they’ve been able to do if I didn’t share some of it online.

It’s a moving feast. And I don’t know what the answer is.

Because sharing has created a beautiful community and I feel really lucky for all of the opportunities we have had. But my kids come first. And I don’t know, it’s hard. I want to make sure I’m doing the absolute best by them. And my husband and I talk about this heaps. And at the moment, I’m not sharing pictures of the kids anymore or as much or I don’t know.

I miss Instagram.

But I don’t ever make nice food.

So what am I going to do on Instagram because nobody wants to see photos of my food because it’s not good food. I just ate some possibly past the use by date ham straight from the fridge because I’m sick.

Will you follow me on Instagram for my possibly past the use by date ham?

So I will keep writing mum stuff. Reviews are fun but I love writing about being a mum and I’m always writing as a mum anyway.

I’m also speaking at this thing here. And I would really like you to come as well. I really want to see you and we can all raise money for two real, super great charities – Wellington Women’s Refuge and Wellington Rape Crisis. You can read about what a choice thing it is here.

Extraordinary tales

And yeah, so I have been doing that and the book and also just being like – I love to write and speak and do stuff like that but I don’t know am I becoming a very tired old lady who doesn’t have the energy to curate a life because that doesn’t come naturally to me. And while I am lucky that I don’t spend money blogging – I don’t pay for boosting on FB or for followers or advertising on other sites – there are still hidden costs. Like paying for all of the traffic for the month. I had dramas with my host and while that eventually got sorted there’s still costs there. They will likely eat up what I got paid for reviews. So it’s a bit of a poo cycle you know?

I think I’m getting my period.

Look, this has been a mopey post and for that I’m sorry. I have nothing to mope about. I am just Feelings Central over here and I’m trying to know what to do with MY LIFE you know? Like, I started blogging on accident and at no point have I said – Hmmm should I actually be doing this?


But not really any – so what’s your end game? When does this stop? Does it keep going? Are you done with all of this now?

So until I work all of that out things might be a bit quiet here. But I have some giveaways to do. And a review or two. I got sent food last week which is pretty great because you need food to live.

Free tip.

Anyway, after all that navel gazing – how are you? Getting any sleep? I’m sure as shit not getting any fucking sleep and the other day I got told about a sheep that helps babies get to sleep and I was like WHERE I WILL BUY IT and I should know better I mean Jesus. How the fuck is a sheep going to make a kid sleep better. But I will buy it. If it works I will have my house full of fucking sheep and just become a shepherd. I will dedicate my life to sheep. I will wear the shepherd robes. Oh I guess shepherds don’t wear robes anymore. Are they even called shepherds? Am I thinking of farmers? They wear those flannel check shirts. I was thinking about the bible I think. Like olden day shepherds.

I could buy a flannel check shirt.

If it is black.

Baaa go the fuck to sleep baaa

Baaa go the fuck to sleep baaa it’s bed time bitch

Oh and I almost forgot but didn’t. If you liked Tarzan I would really love it if you joined me for a wine and watched it with me. I’m raising money for a local kindy that needs a hand. All proceeds to them. And the amazing and sensuous Chris Tse will be reading the review in full before the screening. Buy tickets here! Please buy a ticket otherwise I will have to pay for it. And I think we have established that I can’t do that because I bought all these sheep on Trademe to live in suburban Wellington.


Goth boutique sheep farmer signing off.


34 Comments on “I’m still alive kind of

  1. Here’s a shepherd outfit for you haha -http://www.costumesgalore.net/shepherd-costume.html

    • I am very impressed that you can actually get shepherd robes in black. Surprised and impressed and maxing out my credit card.

  2. Just drink wine and screw the sheep! I mean, not literally….but you know….forget about the damn sheep and just drink wine….then you’ll sleep like a baby….that’s had wine!

  3. I very much relate to most of this. I never have time to write because I have to go to work and get paid the REAL money, not the “complete shit after secondary tax” money that I could get to write some things if I weren’t so goddamn tired, and I’d have to do this writing in the middle of the night because there’s no other time available to me.
    I am writing this from bed where I am taking a day off sick because when you have a toddler all they do all day is pick up germs and deposit them on surfaces in your home, or sometimes if you’re lucky, they sneeze them directly in your face.
    I have no idea what the answer is but I think it’s safe to say cloning is involved so those sheep are probably a good investment.

    • Solidarity Moata. The money is also SO UNRELIABLE! Another reason why it doesn’t feel like real money.
      I’m off sick today too, I had to force myself to spend a day in bed because I’ve felt sick for a month but I can’t shake it. Gross kids and their gross germs!
      I often think just an extra 10 hours a week would make such a difference. I could do so much.

  4. I just wanted to say Hi! I am one of those people who found your blog via the Tarzan review. It was late at night and kid number two ( who’s currently in utero) was keeping me awake. So I clicked the Tarzan link in my Facebook feed, read it and laughed. Then I started going through your other posts and fell in love. Yes, I have a little mom-crush on you. It’s just such a breath of fresh air to find someone who’s honest and real about this parenting thing.

    So regardless of whether you continue blogging or not, I’d like to thank you for all the blogging you’ve already done. It’s much needed for moms like me.

    • Aww thank you, that’s such a lovely thing to say. I feel like I’m the luckiest person getting such nice people here all the time. Comments like yours mean so much to me. They help ❤️ Thank you ❤️

  5. I love this post SO MUCH because it’s exactly how I sound when catching up with an old friend I haven’t seen for ages.

    “So sorry we haven’t met up sooner! God, I’ve been so busy! I don’t know what I’ve been doing really, though. Work’s busy but you know, it’s just work. I’ll have a trim flat white and a muffin, thanks. The toddler still isn’t sleeping so I’m completely knackered. And then school holidays are crazy. But I’ve been meaning to text you for ages! How are you? How are the kids?” – me, every time I see a friend for coffee

  6. You are just the best kind of human! I love your standpoint on the advertising issue. I am a massive fan of yours and love everything you write, but you sound stretched in a gazillion different directions at the mo. Fingers crossed you get to recharge ASAP (sleep, wine, sheep… whatever it takes!)

    • Thank you Fiona! It’s life aye? Sometimes I feel I have to make hay while the sun shines but it’s most important to me that I get to really be there with my kids while they’re little. But then also I have to pay the bills. So while I’d like to be full time at home with no other stuff, it’s just not possible. But there are worse places to be. I’m very lucky really ❤️❤️❤️

  7. Also, if people would like this blog to be more of a reliable income, they can support Emily without anything worrying about ads by going to:
    And giving her a few dollars whenever she posts anything.

  8. This post is like brain spew but (I know this doesn’t seem possible after calling it brain spew) in the most real way, on point way. Like you, I semi stumbled into a semi career from home one which I love (cake) but one which barely or rarely or sometimes pays but I also need to mum, I haven’t slept since March 7 2014 and we need to put food on the table and hours are too short and I am worried I’m missing the days or the minutes. And then there’s the balance of the pleasure of community and making something (literal and intangible) with the pressure of upholding it! Brain spew. But I so get you. Thank you

    • Yes to all of that!! You’ve said exactly what I mean but succinctly (I’m not good at succinct 😂)

  9. You’re all shades of awesome, woman. I’d love to come see your movie with you. But I live in Melbourne. So, maybe I could, like, buy a ticket for another woman to go see it on my behalf? Or something? Cos they are some awesome reasons to be going to see a movie.

    Lemme know!

    • Aww that’s so kind of you! It’s for a good cause! Maybe I need to get a sponsored trip to Melbourne one day and I can see a movie with you!

      • I would be all over that shizzle. I’d love a night out with a fellow countrywoman!
        Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s a hard path to navigate when you’re adored by the public while also just doing your thing. We love ya. *mwah*

  10. Oh it’s not that plastic lamb night light clock thing is it? Cos we got one for Pai and it did not work. Not with bribes, not for one single night. So yeah don’t buy one. I have one collecting dust on the shelf that I’d give you but Pai is weirdly attached to it so I can’t but that’s okay cos it won’t help anyway.

    • It’s called Ewan – and about five different mums have said it doesn’t work 😂😂😭😭

  11. You, Emily, are bloody awesome. Real, funny, saying it like it is, warts’n’all. I love that you’re not selling out, I respect you for that. I too found you from your viral (side-splitting!) Tarzan review, and subsequently stalked all of your posts and fell in love. You rock. I raise my glass to you 😊

  12. Hey
    I am also one of those who found your blog through the Tarzan review. And I had to read all of your other posts and I loved them. I laughed and cried even though there’s stuff I don’t understand (language barrier, I’m Swedish), all over the world mums face the same things 😂 I have two little ones. My oldest is 2,5 and my youngest 14 months.
    I am grateful that your review went viral, I would not have found you otherwise all the way over on the other side of the planet.
    thank you

  13. Is it possible to get an every bigger mum crush because i think i just did.
    Don’t change Emily, i love your morals and your realism. You’re like the talented, nicer, less sarcastic version of me.
    I hope you get some sleep soon, fuck i hope i get some sleep soon..
    Sleep for all the deprived parents!!!!

  14. Emily you are awesome. Wish I was in Wellington so I could come to the Tarzan screening.

  15. I too, literally, THIS MORNING, ate questionable ham straight from the fridge, too. Not because I am sick but because with two kiddos I already have so much to do, and I hate cooking. I am lucky enough to have a husband that cooks but unfortunately we aren’t good about cleaning out the fridge and thus the questionable ham. P.S. I found your blog because a friend of mine had to share your Tarzan post with me, (Which was fabulous!) and I’m glad she did. Thank you!

  16. Hello! Firstly, you poor thing. You’re amazing for still doing so much for the good of others while needing some time to just be left alone. I hope that doesn’t sound mean – being left alone is my number one fantasy. My birthday is coming up and when my husband asked what I wanted I told him “cheese, and to be left alone”.
    Secondly, I have a Sleep Sheep that we were given when our baby was born three months ago. It makes a few different kinds of white noise, but also times out and automatically turns off after 45 minutes, which makes it kind of useless if your goal is for your baby to sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. So it’s not really a big loss if you don’t have one, imo.
    Finally, thank you for this blog. It’s gotten me through a lot of wee hour breast feeds and made me feel better about a lot of stuff while doing so.

  17. You deserve to get paid for your writing. Maybe you could ask for voluntary donations like Maria Poppova on Brainpickings. I’d be happy to give for such entertaining and honest reading.